Introduction

I suppose, since I've made several entries already, it's probably long overdue that I introduced myself.  Amongst the internet world, people usually call me Hawke, which is something of an affection of mine, I suppose.  I picked up the nickname, Demon Hawk, a long time ago.  In another life, as a different person (referencing my state prior to my diagnosis and treatment of bipolar disorder, not "another life" literally).  I added the "e" during what was probably one of my more manic periods, sort of a pretentious gesture on my part, I suppose.

I picked up the moniker due, in part, to the unusual shade of my eyes (they're comprised of two separate "rings" of color, the inner is roughly the color of burnished gold, while the outer ring is hazel green) and, also in part, due to the fact that I blink less often than is "normal" (apparently) so I appear to be staring at things (supposedly, the same way a bird-of-prey watches it's prey).  Which explains the "hawk" part, but the demon part isn't much differently, honestly.  A tag I earned from the disorder, somewhat directly.  Since I suffer from depression frequently (or did, prior to my medication) I had this dark, predatory "aura" that seemed to surround me most of the time.  So there you have it, the story behind the origins of the "Demon Hawk".  I've kept the nickname as a reminder (well, originally I kept it as purely a reminder) of past mistakes and poor choices...a warning not to repeat the same mistakes again.  Didn't help much, I still wound up repeating most of them frequently (some, even to this day).

Later on, once I'd sort of come to terms with some of my past, I found another reason to keep the name.  In some older mythologies (and maybe still, I'm less certain of the present than I am the past), mainly in China and surrounding areas, the belief of demons isn't quite the same as it is in Western (Christian based) cultures.  A demon is, typically, a being that has defied the natural order ordained by Heaven and chosen to rebel against its appointed station.  That's not the whole story behind the term as they use it, of course, but it's the general gist of my reasoning in choosing to keep the name (and use it so prevalently).  I've never really been one to calmly insert myself into society; I've always been an individualist, something of a loner (which definitely made it easier with my disorder; I didn't have those moments of desperately trying, or forcing myself, to "fit in").  Of course, the downside of that was I wanted to be accepted for who I was (am), which, especially among classmates, makes things difficult (people that stand out, for whatever reason, tend to be the target of a lot of abuse, of one type or another).  I didn't back down, usually, though I didn't push back either, when it came down to it (well, until quite a bit later but that's another story entirely).  It usually managed to both make me even MORE of a target and to keep everyone somewhat...off balance when dealing with me.

Well, that's me...more-or-less.  A hawkish demon perched on his mountaintop seeking whatever wisdom he might happen to find.  For those interested in such things, I typically associate myself with the Hermit card in the Tarot deck; a seeker of wisdom, a sage, one who shares whatever knowledge or wisdom he might have (if asked), and generally one who travels along his path alone.  By choice, rather than circumstance.